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How This Pandemic Challenged My Mental Health and Relationship

By : April 30, 2021 01 Comment
When it came to dating, I never seemed to choose the right people for me. I had a terrible pattern of dating people that were emotionally stunted or had personal issues beyond any help I could give. I ignored red flags that were waving directly in my face for as long as I could. I spent so much time playing therapist to my partners that I never allowed myself to confront my issues. I knew I had them; I just never knew how bad my emotional trauma was until recently. I started dating my now partner a little before the pandemic began. A whole new can of worms had opened up for me in this relationship, and it opened my eyes to the amount of self-healing I needed to do.
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a bubble of silence

By : April 30, 2021 Comments Off
a bubble of silence sometimes being alone makes sense, i’m alone with my thoughts and my feelings and my discomfort. nothing really make sense these days, the world is in shambles and i’m lost in my own mind; but sometimes when i’m alone it makes sense. it makes sense that i’m tired, well exhausted really. i understand that there’s a toll on my body and my mind from what i’m feeling inside, i get that. it’s fine.  sometimes I just need a moment to breathe and understand that this will pass because in the moment it doesn’t feel like it,  in the moment it feels like i’m ripping my insides out of my body,  it feels like my heart is on fire and i’m doing nothing.  so when it makes
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I’m What The Kids Call A ‘Content Creator’

By : March 30, 2021 Comments Off
Last December, I started as an official creator for the app Likee (pronounced like-ee). If you’re unfamiliar with it, I best explain it as the lovechild of Twitch and TikTok. What I mean by “official” here is that I have a signed contract that lets me get paid to be there. Yes, really. Your boy has finally arrived. Kinda.  I have for most of my adult life wanted to have a job that I liked. That it would be fulfilling enough that even if the pay were abysmal, my soul would be satisfied. The truth of every dream job lies therein ― it is but a dream. Intangible and unrealistic. Anything worth having and doing well at takes energy, hard work, and time. Like many others, I thought being a
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Abnegation

By : March 16, 2021 Comments Off
Undetermined date, 20216:13 am “You understand me. We mirror each other. You’re what I see when I look in the mirror and I’m what you see when you don’t.” Undetermined date, 202111:27 pm I wrote something similar several years ago, right when you entered the hospital for the first time. And that was the last time, I think, that I wrote about you. And I didn’t tell you this morning, but you’re not wrong.  I am afraid. Not afraid of how your recovery looks or what you are doing, but afraid that it could be me, that it would be me. Your videos, your photos, your messages, your voicemails, your texts, your audio recordings—are what my brain feels like frequently—and I know that you know that. It scares me because
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9 Minute Poem

By : February 7, 2021 Comments Off
When you have a panic attack they say to try a grounding technique Name 5 things you can see Name 4 things you can touch Name 3 things you can hear Name 2 things you can smell Name 1 thing you can taste Breathe in  Hold it Hold it  Hold it Let it out Let me smash this bottle against a wall the wall you pushed me into the night you tore off my underwear as if you were running from the cops I can’t believe I got into a fight with her about you When I invited you in I wasn’t inviting you in. Listen to music, drink a beer,  lose to me in pong… This night was supposed to be like every other night. Was it my boxer
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Liberated Love

By : January 7, 2021 Comments Off
I used to get sick to my stomach whenever I heard her name or saw the back of someone’s head with curly black hair that the sun made brown. When I was younger, I had longed for a relationship. Me and another person, totally immersed in one another. I never thought about the wheel of fortune and the downfall of love. The loss of the honeymoon phase is bitter and sudden like the winter air on my face after leaving my mom’s house.  I knew it was over before she said it. Before she was intimate with another girl on our bed. Before she had the cops send me to the psych ward, a $3,500 bill just for the ambulance ride. Before she drove away in her compact car barely
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