Author: Kirslyn Schell-Smith

Kirslyn Schell-Smith (she/her) is an artist, writer, and photographer with a BA in Studio Art from Denison University and an MFA from Ithaca College. She became interested in art and writing at a young age. In fact, her first camera was a Fisher-Price Perfect Shot that took 110 film. As of 2020, that film may or may not have been developed...its current whereabouts are unknown. She prefers to write when she isn't expecting it; her psychiatrist's office, in her car in a parking lot, in between clients, in bed at 2am, standing in line at the grocery store, and while she's avoiding the household chores. She has most recently been published by Paul Soulellis, Pilot Press, Soft Lightning, The Los Angeles Press, and Genre Urban Arts (upcoming). Follow her on Instagram @kirslynschellsmithart.

identity crisis

By : Kirslyn Schell-Smith May 15, 2021 Comments Off

permanent identity crisis choose your own adventure book but i can’t pass for white but i can’t pass for black sophie’s choice i’ve never seen sophie’s choice but i can never decide between macaroni & cheese and a cheeseburger so i think i get the picture pictures like that bowling ball that rolled into the sewer when you were five pictures like snowflakes that never land on your tongue and melt before they hit the ground pictures like that girl at the bar you were too scared to talk to pictures like your blanket slipping off your legs at night and falling to the floor i’ve talked about translucency but not transparency like cling wrap windshields broken glass the windows of the hospital room i can see you from the

Abnegation

By : Kirslyn Schell-Smith March 16, 2021 Comments Off

Undetermined date, 20216:13 am “You understand me. We mirror each other. You’re what I see when I look in the mirror and I’m what you see when you don’t.” Undetermined date, 202111:27 pm I wrote something similar several years ago, right when you entered the hospital for the first time. And that was the last time, I think, that I wrote about you. And I didn’t tell you this morning, but you’re not wrong. I am afraid. Not afraid of how your recovery looks or what you are doing, but afraid that it could be me, that it would be me. Your videos, your photos, your messages, your voicemails, your texts, your audio recordings—are what my brain feels like frequently—and I know that you know that. It scares me because

August 23, Brewery

By : Kirslyn Schell-Smith March 16, 2021 Comments Off

I thought you should know that I cut my nails this morning. I woke up earlier than she did, Restless, senseless waste of sleep Removed the nail polish you’d put on more than a month ago I know it’s not good to leave it on for that long But it’s also not good to smoke so many cigarettes Drink so much alcohol, caffeine Sit with your wallet in your back pocket Time to change your clothes And finally get rid of that cardigan you’ve had since middle school Striped, but only on the sleeves, horizontal, around the elbows Navy The guy next to me is circling things in the newspaper Jobs or apartments or things for sale or car advertisements or funny comics or interesting articles or crossword puzzle answers

Mood Rings

By : Kirslyn Schell-Smith February 7, 2021 Comments Off

I said I was going to write more about how her eyes are like mood ringsEyes like mood rings and I’m the only one who can decode themBlue when she’s calm, happy, contentGreen when she’s calm, happy, contentShit, that’s not rightI’d have to ask…but still,Sometimes they’re hazelOther times blue like the raffle ticket scrunched up in my pocket from the county fairLooking to see what NFL players kneelI wonder if the networks are going to stop panning on the players if they kneelCensorshipYou see, when you live in a predominately military area and you’re watching a game on TV at a bar, at the end of the national anthem, some people clap…Uh, you’re not at the game, nor did you stand up so SIR, PLEASE SIT THE FUCK DOWN.Anyway, her

9 Minute Poem

By : Kirslyn Schell-Smith February 7, 2021 Comments Off

When you have a panic attack they say to try a grounding technique Name 5 things you can see Name 4 things you can touch Name 3 things you can hear Name 2 things you can smell Name 1 thing you can taste Breathe in Hold it Hold it Hold it Let it out Let me smash this bottle against a wall the wall you pushed me into the night you tore off my underwear as if you were running from the cops I can’t believe I got into a fight with her about you When I invited you in I wasn’t inviting you in. Listen to music, drink a beer, lose to me in pong… This night was supposed to be like every other night. Was it my boxer

Broken Serotonin Machine

By : Kirslyn Schell-Smith December 28, 2020 Comments Off

There is something I must get off my chest tonightand I want you to know first of all that I'm okay and I'm not okay The next time it happens never feels like it did beforeIt's always going to come at some pointBut it never feels like the methods I used last time would help right nowEach beast is shaped differently. I’m not sure how to tell you to help me I used to listen to the CD “When Broken is Easily Fixed” Must be nice— I’m not broken Is there a word for this? I'm not an artist I'm not a writer I'm not black I’m not gay I'm not as smart as I pretend to be My brain chemistry must be controlled by substances I can't control everything

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