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Do You Like Girls?

By : May 19, 2020 Comments Off
She said it so flatly, as if it was another time and space completely, “Do you like girls?” I was sixteen, I think. Yea. Sixteen, and so far from my true self that at this present day I’d have to say that she was a ghost of some sort. A ghost of what’s left after adolescence, collecting any pieces of personality, however ill-fitting. How did the ghost respond? I think she said something like, ‘Sometimes.’ Which of course would be the most reasonable and literally factual response available to the ghost at the time. Which I suppose would have meant, “the best armored response that wasn’t aggressive or offensive.” Misleading? Maybe, but what could be expected? I mean this was probably the gayest human being I’d been within a few
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Exploring my Gender Identity

By : May 19, 2020 Comments Off
I had a really hard time during puberty-- like most people do, I guess. I remember reading The Diary of Anne Frank in school, fixating on the page with wide eyes as Anne talked about the excitement she felt over becoming a woman. Meanwhile, I watched in horror as my body started to outgrow the shell I desperately wanted to stay in. When being applied to me, the word “woman” never sat right. In an attempt to resist my own growth, I developed an eating disorder. I went off to college finding myself worrying more about food and the size of my thighs than I was about making new friendships. My world quickly spiraled out of control, landing me in treatment center after treatment center. Some suggested that this was
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North of Oblivion

By : May 18, 2020 Comments Off
How my depression led me to want to die and why it didn’t happen. Trigger warning: this article discusses depression, mental health and suicidal ideation. “I’m sorry, but I can’t do this anymore.” That was it.  That was the note.  It was 2005 and I’d decided my life wasn’t worth living. I was tired of being depressed, afraid to live in my truth and most of all feeling that no one would ever accept me or love me.  I was alone in the bathroom with a bottle of sleeping pills and cried.  To understand how I got here, we have to back up a bit. I’ve always been different. My family is full of big personalities but I was more reserved in comparison. They preferred attention grabbing activities and careers.
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