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How This Pandemic Challenged My Mental Health and Relationship

By : April 30, 2021 01 Comment
When it came to dating, I never seemed to choose the right people for me. I had a terrible pattern of dating people that were emotionally stunted or had personal issues beyond any help I could give. I ignored red flags that were waving directly in my face for as long as I could. I spent so much time playing therapist to my partners that I never allowed myself to confront my issues. I knew I had them; I just never knew how bad my emotional trauma was until recently. I started dating my now partner a little before the pandemic began. A whole new can of worms had opened up for me in this relationship, and it opened my eyes to the amount of self-healing I needed to do.
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Sunday Morning

By : April 16, 2021 Comments Off
Original Publication: Winter - 20207372 - Sinister Wisdom 115 - Lesbian Learning I’m going to ask her to be my girlfriend, Abby thinks to herself as she looks through a dirty church window. Anna Benton, the pastor’s daughter, sits alone on a church pew rehearsing her lines for the junior choir’s youth revival performance. Okay, Abby thinks. She looks at her trembling hands and closes her eyes tight. Doubt paralyzes her. She thinks the two locked eyes a few times. Thinks she saw Anna smile at her. Anna Benton is the prettiest girl at Holy Saints Missionary Baptist Church. All of the boys like her and follow her around and the congregation dotes on her because she is proper, well-mannered, polite, and a straight-A student. “What if it’s just me?”
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In a Time

By : March 1, 2021 Comments Off
The rain falls delicately as the sun rises The sweet smell of jasmine fills the air   He sleeps atop a mountain of maroon pillows I lay beside him on a Persian rug and trace his lips with my finger The thick plush leaves of the bird of paradise hang lovingly over our heads                          I tousle his hair and watch the thrashing willows His untuned guitar leans carelessly on a wooden chair It will fall soon The rain falls like diamonds as the lilies dance divine    Honey filled mason jar rest atop the small wooden table beside a bamboo She sleeps in a small hammock that is affixed to peach trees I lie beside her and take her hand. She arches her fingers and slips them between mine  Her lavender-scented hair
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Mood Rings

By : February 7, 2021 Comments Off
I said I was going to write more about how her eyes are like mood ringsEyes like mood rings and I’m the only one who can decode themBlue when she’s calm, happy, contentGreen when she’s calm, happy, contentShit, that’s not rightI’d have to ask…but still,Sometimes they’re hazelOther times blue like the raffle ticket scrunched up in my pocket from the county fairLooking to see what NFL players kneelI wonder if the networks are going to stop panning on the players if they kneelCensorshipYou see, when you live in a predominately military area and you’re watching a game on TV at a bar, at the end of the national anthem, some people clap…Uh, you’re not at the game, nor did you stand up so SIR, PLEASE SIT THE FUCK DOWN.Anyway, her
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9 Minute Poem

By : February 7, 2021 Comments Off
When you have a panic attack they say to try a grounding technique Name 5 things you can see Name 4 things you can touch Name 3 things you can hear Name 2 things you can smell Name 1 thing you can taste Breathe in  Hold it Hold it  Hold it Let it out Let me smash this bottle against a wall the wall you pushed me into the night you tore off my underwear as if you were running from the cops I can’t believe I got into a fight with her about you When I invited you in I wasn’t inviting you in. Listen to music, drink a beer,  lose to me in pong… This night was supposed to be like every other night. Was it my boxer
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Liberated Love

By : January 7, 2021 Comments Off
I used to get sick to my stomach whenever I heard her name or saw the back of someone’s head with curly black hair that the sun made brown. When I was younger, I had longed for a relationship. Me and another person, totally immersed in one another. I never thought about the wheel of fortune and the downfall of love. The loss of the honeymoon phase is bitter and sudden like the winter air on my face after leaving my mom’s house.  I knew it was over before she said it. Before she was intimate with another girl on our bed. Before she had the cops send me to the psych ward, a $3,500 bill just for the ambulance ride. Before she drove away in her compact car barely
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