A Letter to the Aces

Not every asexual person has the same experience. Just like every other identity, asexuality is a spectrum. People experience sexual attraction to varying degrees, and all of these experiences are equally valid and real.

From one ace to another, here are a few things that I want to tell you:

Asexuality is a real orientation, no matter what anyone else says. People who identify as asexual make up about 1% of the population. Even though that is a small percentage of people, it still adds up to about 78 million people! No matter what society tells you, there are 78 million other people around the world who can prove them wrong. You are not alone.

You can think that people look attractive. When I first discovered asexuality, I was very confused about how I could be asexual, but also find people attractive. This made me really uncomfortable for a while, because I thought that I couldn’t be asexual and also think that people are pretty or beautiful. This is not the case. There are different ways to be attracted to someone. Asexuality means that you don’t experience sexual attraction. If you are attracted to people romantically or aesthetically, that is perfectly valid. 

It’s okay to want to be in a relationship. Being asexual doesn’t mean that you are also aromantic. You can still be attracted to people of any gender and be in a relationship with anyone. While society says that all romantic relationships must involve sex, this is not true. You define your relationship, not other people. Most importantly, don’t force yourself to do things that you aren’t comfortable with. 

There is barely any representation… and I mean barely. Knowledge about asexuality is relatively new, and it is not very well known around the world. Just a few decades ago, people thought that the only sexualities were gay and straight. Asexual erasure is a problem today, and it is difficult to find representation as a result. 

Not every asexual person has the same experience. Just like every other identity, asexuality is a spectrum. People experience sexual attraction to varying degrees, and all of these experiences are equally valid and real. Asexual people also have different experiences with coming out. Some people are very accepting and understanding. However, there are others, even within the LGBTQ community, who don’t believe that asexuality is real or that it is something that has to be fixed. 

You are ace enough. The asexual label is an umbrella, meaning that it is flexible. When all is said and done, you have to do what is best for you. If this means that you don’t check every single box to match what asexuality “should” be, that is alright, and you are still valid.


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