Toxic Relationships: How to Spot the Red Flags

It becomes difficult, especially for those, who belong to the queer community, as they are still discovering themselves and exploring where they actually belong to.

After watching a movie named- Abzurdah in Spanish on Netflix, I realized how toxic it can be to hold onto someone, who is okay with losing you. The movie spoke volumes about how harmful and obsessive a toxic relationship cab get when one of the partners doesn’t feel the same anymore. First love has a different essence. Amidst all the guitars and roses, the view of a relationship, that might actually be unhealthy, gets dimmed. Going bonkers when you see your partner drifting apart, is something natural which many people feel whilst being in a relationship. Let’s keep one thing in our minds: Relationship toxicity isn’t gender-specific. However hard it is to accept, we must notice the signs early and make a shift ASAP. While talking about relationships, I wouldn’t want to comment upon consent during sexual intercourse, as it is the basic human right that belongs to both the male and the female partner. Sex under coercion or no consent is just Rape.

Everything might seem to be easy-breezy during the first few weeks or months. Some call it the honeymoon phase. I call it beginners luck. Like every great thing, even relationships need time to ripen enough to show it’s true colors. *Do not* decide your soulmate just by seeing their well known outer traits. Dig deep into the inner layers.

Most early signs of a toxic relationship might start with a high amount of possessive behavior exhibited by your partner. Constantly checking your phone, going through your texts without permission, having uncomfortable access to your social media, coercing you to make fewer friends from the opposite/same gender can be some of the early signs that you must be wary of. If you see these signs, do not ignore them. 

Do not feed into your partner’s behavior which can prove fatal to your mental health. Another sign is clingy behavior. Your partner might have really lame-ass and half baked excuses stating they don’t want to share you with any other person but always remember this is a *Direct invasion* to your privacy and it isn’t acceptable. However unrealistic it may seem, every relationship goes through rough patches even if everything seems to be smooth at the beginning. During disagreements, if your partner refuses to listen to your point of you, constantly uses cuss words and belittles your worth or gets physically and/or emotionally abusive, don’t hesitate to walk away from this toxicity. 

Although I feel, there shouldn’t be any scope of regrets- if you feel that later, things would have been different if you would have gone to your partner and given just one last chance, then you shouldn’t leave any stone unturned. Still, after your persistent efforts, if you feel, that the relationship doesn’t work well at all and the fights happen almost every other day, then make a decision to either walk out of it or to make amends at a final level. I’ve heard and seen many relationships where the partner brings up the past of their supposed better half and judge or curse them for the same. 

Dude, always remember, your past never defines you. Your present actions do. Never be apologetic for something which you feel is correct. Never do we need validation from someone to show if we’re worth it or not. It becomes difficult, especially for those, who belong to the queer community, as they are still discovering themselves and exploring where they actually belong to. Thus, the fear of not being accepted by anyone else, makes them stay in a relationship, even if it is toxic or unhealthy. It takes a huge amount of courage and self-love to realize, that we need to stop people trampling over us.  Lastly, if you’ve identified some signs and you wish to walk out of it, never be scared to take refuge under your friends or family members. Being abused isn’t a solution. It never was, it never will be. It might seem to be heart crushing at this point of leaving your abusive relationship, but everyone deserves to be loved. All we need to do is stop rushing into relationships and start valuing and loving ourselves more to attract the right choice for us.

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  1. Hi, wow this was a really fun piece to read! It’s so crazy because I just had an article posted on here called “Are They Toxic?” and the first two red flags that we both pointed out are the same! It’s so wild that two different people had such a similar experience and take-away from a toxic relationship. I almost used the phrase red-flag in mine too haha! I recently left a toxic person a few months ago and I’m still learning and healing. Thank you for sharing and I look forward to reading more! -Nic Ryan

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