How I Came to Peace with Myself

To be honest, it still scares me thinking about when I’ll ever tell my parents because it feels like I can’t ever do so. I come from a very traditional Vietnamese family, plus I have a “tiger” dad.

When I was younger, I felt like any other child, but there was always something off about myself that bothered me. In third grade, while I attempted to dust that weird feeling under the rug, I soon discovered that I had also liked girls. I had a little crush on my best friend but never knew if it was just infatuation or honest feelings. It clicked to me that I was attracted to both boys and girls. I was aware of bisexuality because of my sister. 

She is 5 years older than me and was in middle school at the time. Her coming out to my dad was the scariest conversation I had witnessed. Not only did he tell her that it was wrong, but he also avoided it and chose to not continue the confession any longer. After that conversation, I wasn’t old enough to process what had happened, nor do I remember talking about it with my sister. What I do remember is being quite disgusted with my father, it was more of me being surprised that a caregiver could be so unwelcoming and unsupportive. 

Throughout elementary and middle school, I kind of labeled myself as bisexual but I didn’t make it very public. It wasn’t until high school when I realized that I was pansexual. Nothing really struck me to come to the realization of being pansexual other than the thought of being open to all genders, if I am being honest. 

I still have not come out to my parents, solely because of my sister’s experience with my dad. It wasn’t the best thing to witness, but it definitely left an imprint on how closeted I am to my family. I am only out to my friends and that’s perfectly fine with me. I’m beyond blessed and thankful that I have such an accepting friend group. 

To be honest, it still scares me thinking about when I’ll ever tell my parents because it feels like I can’t ever do so. I come from a very traditional Vietnamese family, plus I have a “tiger” dad. If I were to come out to them, I think that they would definitely see me differently and would not be supportive. Since they are old schooled Asian parents, it’s pretty clear that they do not condone gay children and would not be open to changing their viewpoints due to how close minded they are. Ever since my sister came out, the topic has never arisen again, nor has my sister spoken to them about her love life. I came to peace with myself the day I realized I was pansexual. All in all, I hope that I build enough courage one day to tell my parents the truth. 

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  1. Thanks for sharing your story. I appreciate stories like this because they inspire others facing the same struggles, while also educating people like me (heterosexual) on LGBTQ experiences. Takes a lot of courage to share something so personal, great job!

  2. Thank you for sharing your story Vanessa. I came out to my dad last year and I am 29 years old now. I come from a Catholic raised Mexican family. A while ago, I got present that my dad loves me and cares about that I am taken care. Our parents get mad because they have that belief that is it “wrong” and They as parents failed as being “good parent”.
    P.s. My dad told me when I was a teen that he never wanted to know nothing about me if I “have a different” family/life style. Fast forward, the man is asking me how woman have sex with each other . lol.
    Don’t lose hope

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