It was a bright sunny day. I can’t even remember what day it was. I just know it was a weekday ‘cause I am in the middle of a real estate task. My special someone whom I have been living with for eight years and I are both at home. We just finished our pancakes while laughing at some memes from social media. I can call it an easy day.
There is a sudden knock on our front door. As I open the door, I am confused to see this unfamiliar lady with a white polo shirt on and a couple of folders in her arms. I managed to say, “Yes? What is it?”.
The lady discussed that they are about to conduct a Census for our district. As I hear the words coming out of her mouth, I know exactly that was one of the moments that I should get ready to explain myself because I am not what she is expecting. Census is done yearly in our country but this is the first time that I can take one since we just got our own home. It felt like all my veins stopped working. Trying to figure out what to say.
It got worse. The lady insisted on getting information. I was lost hearing the questions from her cold voice: if I am living with my husband, if I have kids, or if I am with my boyfriend. I almost fainted. I shut the door.
I can’t recall how I explained it to my partner. I remained silent, upset and confused.She decided to talk to the lady who was still at our door. I clearly can recall those words from the lady after the interview was over. “Who’s the husband?” “You are both females?” I think she just answered the lady with a smile.
I still have this dry mouth up to this time. I just realized that all these years, I am actually rehearsing how to be out there in the community and I’ve been blown away ‘cause I’m not ready that time. I have better days but honestly, any idea of the community frightens me. It haunts me down that I need to explain myself, who I am and how I live my life. Whoever is reading this, hopefully you have more courage than me. Don’t get me wrong, I am so proud of who I am. It’s just that the feeling of anxiety to explain myself and read between the lines if I am being accepted or not is what keeps me scared.
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