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Hello World

By : November 26, 2020 Comments Off
Hello to everyone out there in this massive, amazing, crazy, and concerningly overcomplicated world.  I am a transgender woman. That's fun to say. I'm a trans woman! I am a woman. This is new to me. Rather, being willing to say that I am, is. I've known something about myself was feminine since I was eleven or twelve, I think. Something about me was hidden, existing in the shadows of my personality, while the rest of me was sort of muddled throughout my life. I was disconnected. Life happened to other people while this guy I was supposed to be just worked, ate, and existed.  I'm breaking down that barrier of shadows and self doubt and putting the pieces of myself back together, and the real me is so happy
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It’s Okay to Not Know

By : November 21, 2020 Comments Off
I grew up in the midwest with zero open queer folk around, which led to me having to figure out where I fall on the spectrum of human sexuality a little bit late. I thought I was odd. Not normal. I mean, who doesn’t know they aren’t straight until their late twenties, or later? Turns out that the more I talk about it, the more common it seems. I feel grateful for my move to a liberal city in my early twenties and the exposure  it gave me to all different sorts of people. I was married to a man at 19 and had a baby at nearly 21. Shortly after that divorce, I met another man and was with him during all of my struggles with self identity.  In
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Drag Race Holland Has Failed Their Non-Binary Queens

By : October 21, 2020 Comments Off
Growing up, I always felt like an outcast. I was always labeled as a tomboy. I hated the color pink. I still think that jumping rope is one of the stupidest activities that people do. I never felt like I found my place. When you're born and raised in San Francisco, you see a little bit of everything. Whether it was with friends or family, I would spot a drag queen on more than one occasion. When I was with family, the reactions range from grumblings under their breath to a simple head shake. When I was with friends, it was always that long quiet stare until you pass them, at which point everyone would burst out in laughter and make comments. Not wanting to stand out even more than
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Cutting Ties

By : October 12, 2020 Comments Off
I miss my mom when I eat angel hair pasta or hear Martina McBride playing. I miss her when my friends talk about spending time with their moms. I cried the other day at my best friend's house when her mom asked us if we would help her set up for a dinner party. I stood in their kitchen with tears running down my face because that was something my mom always used to ask me to help with.  My mom and I are working on our relationship. In the first fifteen years of my life, we were best friends. I loved her more than anything in the world. I thought she was perfect, flawless, invincible. It’s a really strange feeling when you grow up and realize that your parents
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Purple

By : October 4, 2020 Comments Off
In a world of red and blue, I am purple.  It's confusing to other people, yes, but it's probably even more confusing to me.  People on the outside get the simple answers— "I am nonbinary,"  "I am genderfluid,"  "I'm just me."  I, on the inside, have to deal with all of the thoughts and feelings surrounding that. There are days when I am purple, sure. But there are days when I am colored magenta or indigo, red or blue, and on confusing days I'm a tye-dye of hues.  On even more confusing days I feel gray overtake my being. The days when I am red I question if my previous days or weeks or months were even real.  “Am I faking it?” “Is purple even a real color?” “What does
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We Need to Address Butchphobia

By : September 9, 2020 Comments Off
We live in a violent and oppressive world. Being a stud, the world seems to take its anger out on us. I cannot speak for any experience outside my own and hopefully, there can be others who read this and understand or relate to this. We are attacked for being us, accused of being violent, or cheaters. We are accused of wanting to be “like men” when we are actually very far from it. We are not trying to emulate men. We are trying to be ourselves. We just want to live without people trying to pick at us. Without people telling us what we are, or what we aren’t.  People call us confused, violent, ugly, too much, et cetera. Some people even call us cringy, or they feel uncomfortable
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